At the tail of the lion.

A while ago, I was in a job where I had been for years. I loved my job, it was fun and challenging. But after seven years, I had grown and the job hadn't. I knew it; everybody around me knew it. But month after month, inertia kept me there, miserable. It wasn't until things hit rock bottom when I realized it was time to leave. For good. I thought I had learned my lesson, but today at the pool, I realized that every story repeats itself.


For weeks, my husband has asked me why I keep going back to the last lane. I keep telling him, I am not ready to "upgrade for good." Today was no exception. I was in my lane with maybe 10 more people and after 15 minutes, I was completely frustrated. It was chaotic. I tried to pass some swimmers just to realize that the bottleneck was three people ahead of me and the swimmers behind me were as frustrated as I was! Eventually, I asked the coach at what interval was the next lane swimming. I didn't wait for his answer. They could have been going at light speed. I rather try than stay where I was. And it was the best decision I could make!


Reading my older posts, I realize that this frustration has been a recurring theme for a while. It took me three weeks and 15 minutes of frustration to finally acknowledge that I was never going to be ready for the next lane if I stayed in the old one. The only way to find your new road is to start walking... or swimming, so I did. I switched lanes for good and I am not going back. I might be the last swimmer in the new lane, I might not make the times and might need to take a break every now and then. But my decision has been made. Yes, it is scary. Very scary. But so was leaving my job, leaving my old life behind and starting in a new school with people that looked way smarter than I was. Yet, I survived and I succeeded. Why would this time be any different?


An old proverb says "It is better to be the head of a mouse than the tail of a lion," and I cannot disagree more. Being the head of the tiny beast means that it is as far as you are ever going to be. Being in the tail of a bigger monster means you'll have a lot of fun trying to make again to the head! 


(Photo from Steve Kay)